That Girl

seen as the girl who has it all

but really one who is about to fall

one glance and you would think

that her world is painted pink

under the fake smile and make up

are the reasons she is covered up

too many scars that run deep

false hope playing hide and seek

carefully constructed walls built strong

to protect the girl who has done no wrong

caught in a fight that pulls her apart

stuck in a world that only seems tart

this is the battle that she fights

outnumbered every day and night

crumbling castles and melting crowns

broken promises and barren towns

a shooting star that lost it’s way

there are no heros coming today

feeling alone in a crowded room

is this life endless doom?

yesterday left with great speed

tomorrow is never guaranteed

she’s trapped in a web of another’s lies

and all that’s left to do is try

being told to reach for the light

but wondering if it’s worth the fight

walking through life scared and alone

like a princess who got kicked off her throne

at night in her bed, sleep does not come

the pain of her dreams are much too strong

silence chokes words wished to be said

thoughts building pressure in her head

sweet candy lost its taste

each day is another challenge to face

it could get better or much worse

and that is the truth to this terrible curse

one thing that she has left

is a pounding heart in her chest

as long as her heart continues to go,

this is her fight and this she knows

Love (age 13)

how could a tiny word mean so much?

is it said out loud or felt with a touch?

when someone says “I love you”,

how do you know it is true?

why do people play this game

if it only ends in hurt and pain?

if my heart really did break

how would I fix my mistake?

am I supposed to just get up again?

pretend that I’m happy to lose a friend?

laugh as I witness their last escape

and then in silence sit and wait?

for something better or something new

and just forget everything about you?

let myself be attached by the heart

just so I can be slashed apart?

let the part of me that knows best

be turned into a bruised piece of flesh?

no, I couldn’t take that risk

because I know that I’ll miss

I know that I’ll crash hard

because I never keep up my guard

maybe I could try to come prepared

so I won’t end up scratched and teared

I’ll come hands in fists ready to fight

because love is not going to ruin my life

but love is masked with innocence

evil can slip by without giving hints

a boy smiled at me the other day

should I have smiled back or ran away?

some say love is a nasty game

a wild beast you must try to tame

fairy tales end with happily ever afters

movies suggest only love matters

but I’m not an actor or a princess

what are the answers to this love mess?

My Tightrope

my tightrope stretches far but thin

no sign of where it ends or begins

a constant battle, a continuous game

of beauty, hope, misery and pain

like a death defying circus act

crying clowns and terrified acrobats

lines of cowardly lions and faceless mimes

the feeling of terror in these tragic times

a fog of depression fills the air

choking out the happiness and care

molding people into hard, empty shells

drying the water of hope from precious wells

crushing the dreams of the young

crumbling walls that were once strong

bodies walking with weak insides

a cruel disease destroying the mind

but a sparkles so small

is there through it all

a dot so tiny it is often missed

a light of hope for the hopeless

put it in your pocket and walk right along

so when darkness gets darker and you're not feeling strong

take it out and watch it shine

let it fill the spaces in your mind

light a path and leave it all

walk away from what made you fall

a new beginning is coming near

the lesson learned will soon be clear

maybe you will forgive and forget

this part of the story is not written yet

the curse of loneliness is no longer there

a feeling of joy is in the air

but now you have to take this pain

and add it to your story chain

use the broken strings to tie a knot

as a reminder of this war you fought

strengthen the rope you walk on

to show that you are truly strong

you will be kicked down time after time

just remember this is an uphill climb

arm yourself and be ready to fight

because you are a soldier in the battle of life

"Instead of waiting for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain."

I'm sure that my 13 year old self saw this quote on Facebook (Tumblr and Twitter weren't in existence for me yet). I just looked it up now and it looks like that this is a paraphrased version of a quote by someone named Vivian Greene. Apparently she's an author.
When I made this, I'm sure that it was something about attempting to get through 7th grade. I feel like 7th grade was awful for everyone... just a crazy combination of hormones and insecurity. Yay!

Silent Conversations

why can’t I look you in the eye?

how come all I seem to do is try?

a quick hello, a worried smile

I haven’t seen that in a while

a bit of sunshine with a chance of trouble

cross your fingers and pray for double

double the light, take out the bite

trying to discover what feels right

is this worth the sum of it’s parts?

or just a collection of broken hearts?

my life was fine before you came

and turned it into a scary game

I can’t hear the beat of my heart

decide if we belong together or apart

how will I forgive you for what you did to me?

is the way out of this story to forgive and be free?

this labyrinth of suffering has no end

and right now, all I’m looking for is a friend

Finding Me

when you look at me,

what is it that you see?

look behind my bones and skin,

can you find a place to begin?

then tell me because I forget

I know this story isn’t over yet

slipping off from cloud nine,

wondering if it were ever mine

and there I go falling

can you hear me calling?

asking for the answers that no one has

help me because I’m falling fast

the girl in the mirror waves goodbye

I’m left with a stranger whose reflection is mine

conversations that I dread

constantly echo in my head

trying to rewrite and rewind

but the perfect words are hard to find

even if I could change the past

the things I’ve heard will everlast

my question to you is where do you stand

to pull me down or grab my hand

when you look at me, what can you see?

do you see all that I turn out to be?

I'm There

I’m there when you need to cry

I’m there when someone else lies

I’m there when you don’t think you can hold on

I’m there to make you feel strong

I’m there when no one else cares

I’m there, I’m there, I’m always there

you expect me to hold you tight

especially when you’re not right

stop leaving me with a broken heart

because that’s not your part

you walk away feeling great

expecting me to sit and wait

for the next time you have to cry

then skip away without a goodbye

you are my best friend, or are you?

you seem like a job I always have to do

yeah, sure I’m there for everyone

but what happens when I need someone?

what  happens when I can’t take it anymore?

I’m not as strong as I would like to be

I was hoping at least you would see

where are you when I need to cry?

where do you disappear to when someone lies?

where are you when I’m not strong?

where are you when I can’t hold on?

sometimes I feel like you don’t care

but it also feels like you’re always there

you are a ghost walking through my life

someone I can count on where luck strikes

I’m getting hurt and so are you

but without each other, we can’t get through

I know you know that to

so it looks like I’m stuck with you

but it wouldn’t hurt for you to try

like I do for you all the time

the next time I have to cry

please stay by my side

please tell me you can see

I’m not as strong as I would like to be