Climbing

I’m busting out of my shell

can anyone tell?

I’m leaving all of them behind

yes, you could say I’m out of my mind

I’m starting over and taking a chance

gonna learn the steps to this new dance

I’m tired of trying

I wanna start climbing

I’m not here to impress you

heck, I’m just messing with you

I’m in the dark, looking for light

you can bet I’m willing to fight

looking for my castle in all the wrong places

trusting lies from all the wrong faces

I’m changing, I’m trying

I’m falling, I’m flying

two steps forward, one step back

but I guess I’m kind of fine with that

I’m gonna jump off this cliff

to see if I live

I may sink or fly

but it’s worth a try

cause I’m done with you and done with me

looking for a world worth to see

don’t know where I’m going , only where I’ve been

not gonna lie, I’ve done my sins

but I can’t go back to fix that

only going straight and fast

I don’t want to carry all this pain

I’m out of here on the next train

say goodbye cause I’m leaving now

not coming back just to get pound

I’m going to where the grass is greener

and my conscience is a lot cleaner

tired of the same thing everyday

watching you pass and making that face

you, my friend, can talk to the hand

cause I don’t need you in my plan

I’ve got people to see and things to do

so let me tell ya, I don’t need you

I’m still learning to walk in my own shoes

so I’m not surprised when I sometimes lose

my toes wiggle and the laces are long

but that doesn’t mean I’m not strong

cause when I finally get back up

I’m better than when I messed up

I’m solving, I’m learning

I’m losing, I’m burning

two steps forward, one step back

but I guess I’m kind of fine with that

so I’m ending it now

going to figure it out

watching the world passing by

I’m looking out from the inside

looking for the rainbow after the storm

yeah, you could say I’m begging for more

I’m tired of slipping, tired of falling

but that is just destiny calling

everything is going to be okay

I’m just trying to find my way

I’m going, I’m doing

I’m winning, I’m moving

two steps forward, one step back

but I guess I’m kind of fine with that

That Girl

seen as the girl who has it all

but really one who is about to fall

one glance and you would think

that her world is painted pink

under the fake smile and make up

are the reasons she is covered up

too many scars that run deep

false hope playing hide and seek

carefully constructed walls built strong

to protect the girl who has done no wrong

caught in a fight that pulls her apart

stuck in a world that only seems tart

this is the battle that she fights

outnumbered every day and night

crumbling castles and melting crowns

broken promises and barren towns

a shooting star that lost it’s way

there are no heros coming today

feeling alone in a crowded room

is this life endless doom?

yesterday left with great speed

tomorrow is never guaranteed

she’s trapped in a web of another’s lies

and all that’s left to do is try

being told to reach for the light

but wondering if it’s worth the fight

walking through life scared and alone

like a princess who got kicked off her throne

at night in her bed, sleep does not come

the pain of her dreams are much too strong

silence chokes words wished to be said

thoughts building pressure in her head

sweet candy lost its taste

each day is another challenge to face

it could get better or much worse

and that is the truth to this terrible curse

one thing that she has left

is a pounding heart in her chest

as long as her heart continues to go,

this is her fight and this she knows

Love (age 13)

how could a tiny word mean so much?

is it said out loud or felt with a touch?

when someone says “I love you”,

how do you know it is true?

why do people play this game

if it only ends in hurt and pain?

if my heart really did break

how would I fix my mistake?

am I supposed to just get up again?

pretend that I’m happy to lose a friend?

laugh as I witness their last escape

and then in silence sit and wait?

for something better or something new

and just forget everything about you?

let myself be attached by the heart

just so I can be slashed apart?

let the part of me that knows best

be turned into a bruised piece of flesh?

no, I couldn’t take that risk

because I know that I’ll miss

I know that I’ll crash hard

because I never keep up my guard

maybe I could try to come prepared

so I won’t end up scratched and teared

I’ll come hands in fists ready to fight

because love is not going to ruin my life

but love is masked with innocence

evil can slip by without giving hints

a boy smiled at me the other day

should I have smiled back or ran away?

some say love is a nasty game

a wild beast you must try to tame

fairy tales end with happily ever afters

movies suggest only love matters

but I’m not an actor or a princess

what are the answers to this love mess?

My Tightrope

my tightrope stretches far but thin

no sign of where it ends or begins

a constant battle, a continuous game

of beauty, hope, misery and pain

like a death defying circus act

crying clowns and terrified acrobats

lines of cowardly lions and faceless mimes

the feeling of terror in these tragic times

a fog of depression fills the air

choking out the happiness and care

molding people into hard, empty shells

drying the water of hope from precious wells

crushing the dreams of the young

crumbling walls that were once strong

bodies walking with weak insides

a cruel disease destroying the mind

but a sparkles so small

is there through it all

a dot so tiny it is often missed

a light of hope for the hopeless

put it in your pocket and walk right along

so when darkness gets darker and you're not feeling strong

take it out and watch it shine

let it fill the spaces in your mind

light a path and leave it all

walk away from what made you fall

a new beginning is coming near

the lesson learned will soon be clear

maybe you will forgive and forget

this part of the story is not written yet

the curse of loneliness is no longer there

a feeling of joy is in the air

but now you have to take this pain

and add it to your story chain

use the broken strings to tie a knot

as a reminder of this war you fought

strengthen the rope you walk on

to show that you are truly strong

you will be kicked down time after time

just remember this is an uphill climb

arm yourself and be ready to fight

because you are a soldier in the battle of life

"Instead of waiting for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain."

I'm sure that my 13 year old self saw this quote on Facebook (Tumblr and Twitter weren't in existence for me yet). I just looked it up now and it looks like that this is a paraphrased version of a quote by someone named Vivian Greene. Apparently she's an author.
When I made this, I'm sure that it was something about attempting to get through 7th grade. I feel like 7th grade was awful for everyone... just a crazy combination of hormones and insecurity. Yay!

Silent Conversations

why can’t I look you in the eye?

how come all I seem to do is try?

a quick hello, a worried smile

I haven’t seen that in a while

a bit of sunshine with a chance of trouble

cross your fingers and pray for double

double the light, take out the bite

trying to discover what feels right

is this worth the sum of it’s parts?

or just a collection of broken hearts?

my life was fine before you came

and turned it into a scary game

I can’t hear the beat of my heart

decide if we belong together or apart

how will I forgive you for what you did to me?

is the way out of this story to forgive and be free?

this labyrinth of suffering has no end

and right now, all I’m looking for is a friend

Finding Me

when you look at me,

what is it that you see?

look behind my bones and skin,

can you find a place to begin?

then tell me because I forget

I know this story isn’t over yet

slipping off from cloud nine,

wondering if it were ever mine

and there I go falling

can you hear me calling?

asking for the answers that no one has

help me because I’m falling fast

the girl in the mirror waves goodbye

I’m left with a stranger whose reflection is mine

conversations that I dread

constantly echo in my head

trying to rewrite and rewind

but the perfect words are hard to find

even if I could change the past

the things I’ve heard will everlast

my question to you is where do you stand

to pull me down or grab my hand

when you look at me, what can you see?

do you see all that I turn out to be?