"Losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control..."

"Losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control. These fishies in the sea are staring at me. One more spoon of cough syrup. Life's too short to even care at all."
This one is a lyric from the band "Young the Giant", it is called "Cough Syrup". Although, I am about 500% sure that I probably first heard this song from Glee.

"Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars? Collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart."

Obviously, this is from "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri.

I am

I am the shot that bounces off the net

I take off on the word "set"

the firework that explodes a minute too late

the girl who ditches every date

beating myself up over the things that I do

when my name comes up, people say "who?"

I say a lot of things that I don't mean

the truth is never as pretty as it seems

a peacemaker is hated for never putting up a fight

being reserved begs the question if everything's alright

I am becoming the person I never wanted to be

the truth is never as pretty as it seems

when I catch an eye, I lead boys to the edge of a cliff

I push them off and blow them a kiss

I get scared when I am touched

broken promises, I still have clutched

I push away while begging to stay

I am not worth being part of your day

I get attached and then blame you

I hate myself and you will to

I hope that by repeating what I wish to be called

beautiful, strong, kind, flawed

that I will become what I wish to be true

I am not what you think, I will ruin you

I am the goalie who misses the ball

I am the one who softens the fall

I am the mistake that makes you lose

I am the silence that chokes the truth

the thunderstorm on a sunny day

the reason people lie anyway

I am the puzzle piece that doesn't fit

I am a wall crumbling bit by bit

I will let you walk over and kick me down

every day feels like I am going to drown

I live under the weight of all of my wrongs

I try to find meaning in every song

I believe in happy endings that never come

I don't know where I'm going or where I'm from

I am sick of telling myself it will all be fine

I am tired of regretting that you aren't mine

I wanted a rainbow and willing to sit through the rain

I was left with a mountain of depression and pain

I am the giver who never receives

this party isn't fun, I want to leave

I am the shot that bounces off the net

and every once in a while

tips in

"Not my fault. Not at all. I can't help you, what you want?"

"Not my fault. Not at all. I can't help you, what you want? Get in line, take a number, get you when my song is over. If you leave it up to me I'll make a lie out of truth... that's just my signature move."
This one is a quote from Pink's song "Timebomb". (Can you tell it was an obsession or do I need to make it more obvious?

C+C

I am sorry that I don't have the guts to face you, nor the strength to remember you.

I am sorry that I can't care.

I am sorry that you put your trust in the wrong place.

I am sorry about all of the lies.

I am sorry that you don't find comfort in silence.

I am sorry that I attach too quickly.

I am sorry I don't love you.

I am sorry I don't respond right away.

I am sorry my emotions are fucked up.

I am sorry I led you on.

I am sorry I gave you my number when you asked for it.

I am sorry I texted you back.

I am sorry that my brain is controlled by an angry poet.

I am sorry you don't understand.

I am sorry I can't understand.

I am sorry that I'm a coward.

I am sorry that I'm scared of love.

I am sorry that I love talking.

I am sorry that there's no space for two.

I am sorry that I'm not ready yet.

I am sorry that you scare me.

I am sorry I can't admit it.

I am sorry that you will never read this.

I am sorry we didn't work.

I am sorry.

I am really sorry.

Pencils for Chance

when I go to school, I always bring 3 pencils
with 2 chances to break and start over
my eraser comes along for the ride
to make imperfections a part of the past
and my red pen
to write notes on top of errors
until all you can see is lessons learned

at school, there is a boy who loves me
I do not feel the same way
his presence reminds me of lost souls
searching through darkness for a way to heaven
he talks to me every day
he reminds me I'm not the person I once was

my friends question why I don't mirror his feelings
there are many answers to that question.
the truth? the truth is that
I'm a coward.
I don't take chances unless there is a safety net
however, in love, there is never a backup plan

it is now once year since we started
but I am scrubbing away the lines that
connect the dots of out past
and blow away the eraser's dust
like a child blows a wish on a dandelion
the same wish he may be repeating to himself
that love wasn't so hard

I always bring two pencils to school
with one chance to break and start over

you were the one I thought would never hurt me
I put all my trust and love for life in you
sure that it was a safe spot
but sadly, it was not
I was once told that
sometimes you love somebody so much that they
don't have enough room to love you back
I have been thinking about this

and the echos of the last time we laughed together
the last text you sent me
the last time I heard you say my name
without "bitch" in the same sentence
the last time you stood next to me
the last time we ate lunch together
the last time you cared

but now you have an "ex"
in front of where it used to be just "best friend"
and those two letters
make all the difference.
when I go to school, I always bring a pencil
if it breaks, it was my last chance to start over

now, I'm not sure which parts to erase or keep
but it doesn't matter
because my eraser is all used up
bits of rubber now fly through the wind
are in the corner of my math class
under the table
in the vacuum
all gone

my canvas is filling with red pen marks
I can't fix anything anymore
my eraser is gone
I don't want to ignore you anymore
I don't want to let you go
so I keep scribbling

my pencil is writing rapidly
trying to find the meaning of things I will
never understand
I am trying, can't you see?
writing notes to only cover them later
I am losing connection
you broke me
help me, please

today, when I went to school
and opened my pencil case
it was empty and so was I

Here We Go

I'm on a roller coaster
not a metaphorical, poetic one
I'm on a real roller coaster
I'm on the Thunder Bolt
and I think I'm going to die

I hear the springs exhale and tighten
as if counting down to the
Challenger Space Launch
rusty bolts click into place
while I evaluate my life choices

adrenaline spews into my body
and electrocutes my soul
my brain sends a flutter of images
I pause on your face
it seems like the last thing I ever see
will be you

up we go
it's the first time I've ever seen you
5th grade, blue eyes, blonde hair
a man on the ride starts to laugh nervously
you and I become best friends
I can see the point of death in view

90 degree turn and down!
my seat jumps violently
my vision is scattered
I think I'm going to die
everything is coming so fast

birthday parties, best friends, school
sleepovers, homework, together
all the time, never apart
stomach is rising into throat
zoom! we dip down and shoot up again

life is changing
we move apart. farther. farther.
track is ending. no more track
turn! we miss a wall by an inch
everybody's heads snap to the left

we made it! we are alive!
not for long
we are going up again
up. walk home together
up. best friends forever
down! tilted to one side vertical!
shooting down. faster! faster!

forgetting, losing, boys,
grades, life, drama
down! eyes closed. can't think
heart pounding. hurts. AHHHH!
zoom! launching to the left

zoom! right! zoom! left! zoom!
twisting, turning,
lots of burning
slowing down.
smiles. puppy. summer.
stop