when I go to school, I always bring 3 pencils
with 2 chances to break and start over
my eraser comes along for the ride
to make imperfections a part of the past
and my red pen
to write notes on top of errors
until all you can see is lessons learned
at school, there is a boy who loves me
I do not feel the same way
his presence reminds me of lost souls
searching through darkness for a way to heaven
he talks to me every day
he reminds me I'm not the person I once was
my friends question why I don't mirror his feelings
there are many answers to that question.
the truth? the truth is that
I'm a coward.
I don't take chances unless there is a safety net
however, in love, there is never a backup plan
it is now once year since we started
but I am scrubbing away the lines that
connect the dots of out past
and blow away the eraser's dust
like a child blows a wish on a dandelion
the same wish he may be repeating to himself
that love wasn't so hard
I always bring two pencils to school
with one chance to break and start over
you were the one I thought would never hurt me
I put all my trust and love for life in you
sure that it was a safe spot
but sadly, it was not
I was once told that
sometimes you love somebody so much that they
don't have enough room to love you back
I have been thinking about this
and the echos of the last time we laughed together
the last text you sent me
the last time I heard you say my name
without "bitch" in the same sentence
the last time you stood next to me
the last time we ate lunch together
the last time you cared
but now you have an "ex"
in front of where it used to be just "best friend"
and those two letters
make all the difference.
when I go to school, I always bring a pencil
if it breaks, it was my last chance to start over
now, I'm not sure which parts to erase or keep
but it doesn't matter
because my eraser is all used up
bits of rubber now fly through the wind
are in the corner of my math class
under the table
in the vacuum
all gone
my canvas is filling with red pen marks
I can't fix anything anymore
my eraser is gone
I don't want to ignore you anymore
I don't want to let you go
so I keep scribbling
my pencil is writing rapidly
trying to find the meaning of things I will
never understand
I am trying, can't you see?
writing notes to only cover them later
I am losing connection
you broke me
help me, please
today, when I went to school
and opened my pencil case
it was empty and so was I
